Jan 28, 2010 – 1. STILL AT NUMBER ONE IN SLIGHTLY ADJUSTED FORM: THE [CORPORATE EVENT WHOSE NAME WOULD COST $450 TO TYPE HERE.] If the NFL Playoffs were number one last week, they remain at number one in the form of the run-up to the Large Gridiron-Based Event, or the world’s largest corporate junket surrounding a football game: the Super Bowl. We’re not being too careful here: the NFL is attempting to order the cessation of the sales of even things as innocuous as “Who Dat?” merchandise, which is a shame because bad grammar belongs to everyone and is truly our most abundant natural resource as a nation.

Wait, I’m sorry to impugn the grammar of Saints fans, especially you Master Chief WhoDat. Say whatever you like, because you frighten and fascinate me simultaneously.

This will not work, since Saints fans obey only the laws of gravity and bayou justice, and will print “Who Dat?” gear in Uncle Boudreaux’s smoke-shack out in the swamp if they have to in order to properly represent their team. Indianapolis fans, meanwhile, are desperately waging a war with irony in the “WHO YA GOT?” battle this week between those arguing the relative merits of both cities. This argument is the only real game going on this week since no one’s playing any football, and no the Pro Bowl does not count for so many very good reasons. The current score based on comment threads on the internet is “Irony 458, Indianapolis Colts fans -28.” The arguments currently work out thusly, if you’re interested in picking a city to root for based not on the actual players on the teams, but instead on loose cultural affiliations:

New Orleans: Gastronomic wonderland, studded with striking colonial architecture found few other places in America, prone to flooding and patches of extreme poverty. HOLY COW DID YOU SEE THAT RAT. Blessed with a long tradition of both homegrown and adopted literary and musical talent, and currently enjoying underdog status as a unique multicultural city on the comeback trail following the worst natural disaster in recent national history. Sometimes, people get naked in the streets for tiny balls of plastic.

Indianapolis: Proud of their shrimp cocktail. Clean, mostly. Much less likely to get shot in than New Orleans. Ample parking day and night. David Letterman got his start there as a weatherman, and sometimes gave humorous but fake updates…which angered people. Not exactly diverse. The favorite, and therefore not the beloved underdog. Brushes and flosses, takes the garbage out promptly, and likes a good night out at Applebees.

So America, to review: you’ll root for who you want to be (New Orleans) while rooting against who you actually are (Indianapolis). Next week! Exciting interviews on media day and that woman with the tight pants from Univision! AY PAPI!

2. UP LIKE THE ASCENDING ANGEL ST. TIMOTHY: TIM TEBOW IS BRETT FAVRE BUT WITH JESUS’ PHONE NUMBER AND WITHOUT A VIABLE NFL CAREER. The Senior Bowl is this week in Mobile, Alabama, and Tim Tebow’s reviews are in:

Todd McShay says!

“He can’t play quarterback in the NFL, I’m convinced of it,’’ ESPN director of college scouting Todd McShay said. “From his delivery to his footwork to his accuracy, you have to absolutely strip him down and build him back up. And it’s too late.’’

Anonymous NFL scout who always pops up around this time of year says!

“I actually don’t think he’s that hard to evaluate at all,’’ said a high-ranking college scout for an NFC team. “To me, he’s just not a very good quarterback prospect. Now, if you want to rework his mechanics, his release, try to improve his accuracy, then you see a guy with this big frame that can throw.

“He’s a big-time project, no doubt.’’

Tebow’s posse–which this week includes his parents and a documentary maker following him through his transition from college to the NFL–should really learn the art of editing reviews, something Hollywood’s been doing with flair for years. The review “Most abominable piece of cinema ever grunted out onto celluloid, and a real nightmare of an experience for any moviegoer” is a lot more flattering when you say “REVIEWER: a real…experience for any moviegoer.”

For instance, McShay’s quote would look much better like this:

“…quarterback in the NFL…I’m convinced of it,’’ ESPN director of college scouting Todd McShay said. “From his delivery to his footwork to his accuracy, you have to…”

You hear that, Daniel Snyder? Trade eight picks, throw in $42 million in cash, and the St. Louis Rams will start to think about making Tebow to the ‘Skins a sure thing. You want to pay us $48 million? Well, we certainly can’t–wait, fifty or no deal. Fifty-three? Okay, you’ve got a deal, Dan.

Tebow also gets the nod here this week due to his apperance in a commercial paid for by Focus on the Family, which made its way down the intelligence chain in terms of people who comment on it: first bloggers (natch), then mainstream media, then talk radio, and then The View. It’s the food chain at work, and when Joy Behar gets to it you can be sure it’s just a few strings of gristle clinging to a very chewed-up bone. Whatever happens with the ad, there remains the slim possibility that it will run next to an ad for a gay dating site featuring two dudes making out, and if that happens the universe will truly be in harmony.

3. UP LIKE THE SPIRITS OF APPARENTLY NO ONE IN VANCOUVER: THE OLYMPICS ARE GOING TO SUCK. Speaking of Mancrunch.com: Johnny Weir has come under fire for his fur-lined outfits at the Olympics, and justifiably so because they are ILLEGALLY FIERCE. It’s practically a violation of international law to be that fabulous, but the law comes second to style for Weir. Besides the good news that you get to watch your more homophobic friends squirm in their chairs as Weir attempts to further national glory with his flamboyant routines, the Olympics hasn’t been rolling down hill with a lot of positive momentum. The weather’s too warm, the budget is bloated beyond all reasonable expectations, and attitudes all around are nasty in the city where preparations are currently entering “crisis mode.”

The only positive signs so far: curling remains on schedule both to save the games singlehandedly, and to take over the world as the next great spectator sport.

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Step 1 – Change the way you eat.

This doesn’t mean go on a diet, it means eat better food, eat more smaller meals, and cut out the junk.

Getting more fresh fruit and vegetables into your diet on a regular basis is essential for burning off belly fat. Grilling and steaming food instead of frying is a much better option for losing tummy flab and flattening your stomach. You need to eat smaller portions more regularly. This helps your metabolism digest your food and extract the nutrients in a more efficient way. It also stops you from overeating through feeling hungry and then your body fails to burn off the fuel properly.

Step 2 – Proper Exercises.

Most people trying to burn off belly fat and flatten their tummy go about it completely wrong. They have heard that doing 100’s of sit ups every day gives you a perfect six pack. If you think the same you couldn’t be more wrong. Sit ups are proven to damage the lower back muscles and cause more harm than good. Crunches and leg raises, on the other hand, are the perfect way to tone up your tummy muscles. Laying on your back with your knees bent and just raising your head and shoulders will tone your upper stomach muscles safely. Leg raises tone your lower muscles. 10 minutes per day, combining both exercises, will flatten your tummy with ease.

Step 3 – Work up a sweat.

Crunches and leg raises alone will not burn off your belly fat. They will flatten and tone your stomach muscles but there will still be a layer of belly flab covering it all up. Doing 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercises 4 times per week will burn off that tummy fat as you flatten your stomach with crunches and leg raises. Skipping or simple aerobics are ideal but you can do anything you like so long as it generates a good sweat to burn off your belly fat.

Step 4 – Be Patient.

You have seen the adverts of people who transform their bodies into perfection in 4 weeks, or those who lose half their body weight in a month…..Well what they don’t tell you, is that nearly all of them are back to square one or worse, just as fast. This is because they have almost killed themselves trying to reach their goal so quickly. The body and mind cannot sustain the amount of intensity required to achieve such results in such a short space of time. Just look at actors who train up quickly for a film role then you see them in the magazines all bloated and out of shape. Be patient, do your regular exercises and maintain your healthy diet and you will burn off your belly fat and flatten your tummy, and keep it that way for life.

Burning off your belly fat and firming your stomach is not as hard as you may think. With the proper diet and regular steady exercise you will lose your tummy flab and flatten your stomach in no time and keep it that way forever. Visit http://therightplace.weebly.com/easy-ways-to-flatten-your-tummy.html to discover the facts and learn how to lose your belly fat for good.

If these feelings of anxiety, nervousness or worry are overwhelming and won’t go away easily you may be suffering the symptoms of some type of anxiety disorder. If you are suffering from these symptoms you are not alone; tens of millions of North Americans suffer from some type of anxiety disorder. There is no need for alarm though these disorders are easily treated and can normally be relieved without expensive therapy or medication.

Here are some of the more typical, physical symptoms of anxiety attacks:

· Shortness of breath or feeling like you’re being smothered.

· Feeling like you are having a heart attack, with pain or discomfort in your chest.

· A rapid or pounding heartbeat.

· Increased sweating.

· Discomfort in the stomach, nausea, bloating or indigestion.

· Feeling light headed or dizzy.

· Visible shaking and trembling.

· Difficulty in swallowing.

· Feeling a tingling or numbness in your face, hands, neck, or shoulders.

· Have hot flushes or chills.

· Headaches

· Fatigue

If you have been experiencing intense worry, anxiety, nervousness, or any two or more of the above symptoms, for 6 months or more, you probably are suffering from the physical symptoms of anxiety attacks. If these symptoms interfere with your relationships, or prevent you from doing your normal work or daily activities, than you probably have some sort of anxiety disorder.

If you think that you are suffering from the physical symptoms of anxiety attacks you should be a little concerned. If left untreated anxiety disorders will only get worse and more debilitating. Don’t give up though help is easy to find, it is readily available on line at many web sites. Finding the right web site that will give you the help you need can be a problem. Luckily for you I have spent countless hours researching anxiety disorders as I suffered with them for years before I found the right program. So if you continue to suffer with the symptoms of anxiety attacks and want them to stop I can recommend to you a great place to go and get help.

Whether you call it the large intestine, bowel, or colon, the reality is that for a lot of us, it’s congested. A thorough colon cleansing is a great way to boost your energy and vitality and overcome some common symptoms of ill health such as poor digestion, constipation, acid reflux, stomach pain, irritable bowel syndrome, Candida albicans, gas, bloating, protruding belly, headaches, and low energy. And if you want to lose weight quickly and easily, it’s crucial to cleanse the intestinal tract. Let’s discuss why cleaning out your colon is so important to overall health.

Colon cleansing is usually the most overlooked- when it comes to losing weight, reshaping the body, flattening the abdomen, improving digestion and elimination, and restoring health. The problem is that we can’t properly digest and eliminate food and substances we ingest when the colon is congested. The more congested it is, the more waste in the form of old fecal matter and mucus can lodge in the lining. People can end up carrying around pounds of this stuff. Not only does it this interfere with the normal two to three bowel movements per day needed for good health, it interferes with nutrient absorption from our food and supplements.

Combining natural colon cleansing with a solid weight-loss diet can help you trim your waistline faster and more completely than any diet by itself. A stomach that protrudes may not be just from fat; it can also be the result of intestinal waste buildup. When the entire intestinal tract is cleansed, the stomach often flattens. The colon can also function better, eliminating wastes quicker, which greatly facilitates weight loss and boosts health.

Cleaning out your colon also improves nutrient absorption, keeping your body better fed. This results in cravings diminishing or going away altogether, facilitating your goal of sticking with a healthy lifestyle program.

It’s never a bad idea to begin a detox with a thorough cleaning of your colon before you move on to other organs. When your body detoxifies, it dislodges toxins build up in and around cells and tissues. After the body pulls these toxins out of their hiding places, it deposits these wastes in the colon for rapid elimination, but if it’s congested with old fecal matter, then the toxins can’t skip on out as easily. They’ll just sit around and get reabsorbed back into the bloodstream. And you could experience more headaches, weakness, fevers, chills, nausea, skin eruptions, and other detox symptoms. Cleaning your colon out can prevent most if not all of these issues.

If you want to learn how to clean out your colon make sure you read more about cleaning out your colon; it is seriously an underestimated weight loss strategy. There are a wide variety of colon cleansing products available.

Here are some of the more common physical anxiety symptoms:

Understanding these symptoms and knowing what you can do about them will help you to prevent future attacks. Here are some of the emotional anxiety symptoms:

Now that you have some idea of what to expect from anxiety symptoms here are a few dips to help you deal with them:

Overcoming your anxiety symptoms is not easy but, I hope that I have given you somewhere to start. There seems to be so much information out there that it is difficult to know what is the best way to proceed with getting rid of your anxiousness? I want you to know that there are things that you can do in the comfort of your own home that will help you with your anxiety symptoms. There is lots of information available on the Internet if you know just where to look.

It is a good idea to not even let it get that far. A lifestyle and nutrition which will prevent constipation in the first place is all we need. Today we are used to spend most of the day sitting on a chair, be it at home or at work. We need to start paying attention to our colon and do things which are beneficial for healthy bowel movements.

Laxatives should be avoided and your diet should always be rich in fruits, fibers, grains and vegetables. If you are eating it is important that you take your time. One of the reasons for constipation is the fact that we don’t chew our foods long enough. We are living in a hectic world and such eating habits are simply not beneficial to our health. Furthermore, make sure to drink plenty and frequently.

One major cause for digestive problems is the lack of movement and exercise. By moving we actually support and help our bowels with their work, greatly reducing the chance of constipation even to occur. A little walk around the block can already do wonders, so do frequent stretching breaks at work.

What to do if it is too late and you want to get rid of constipation?

The first thing you want to do is drink a lot of water. If you go to some place with foods (like your kitchen) it might actually encourage bowel movement. Go to your bathroom, do some light exercises like bending and stretching. Massage your lower abdomen carefully. Those exercises and the massage might help to trigger bowel movements. If nothing seems to help you might want to revert to suppositories.

But be advised that the long term use of laxatives is not a good idea. You want natural relief from your constipation and laxatives should only be used as a last resort. Laxatives simply would make your colon “lazy” and you will have the same problem again in no time.

If you finally had success in the bathroom it is time to think over your diet since you want to prevent this from happening again.

Cut down on alcohol as well as on coffee and tea. Those can actually dehydrate your body. Drink plenty of water throughout the day and keep moving.

Tip 1 – Bend in the knees

Really challenge yourself today and try something different. Do traditional squats but standing on one leg. Sounds mad? Well, it works. Hold onto a chair or something first until you get the hang of it, wobbling is ok, falling over if NOT. You will have 6 pack abs in no time.

Tip 2 – Ramp Up

A side plank sculpts flat abs fast by focusing on the obliques, the muscles that wrap around your middle and hold you in. When these muscles are taut, no need for slimmers knickers. Lie on your left side, resting on your left forearm and left hip, knees and feet stacked and relaxed, your right arm at your side. Lift your left hip into a side plank. Lower and touch the left hip to ground, then lift back up, holding abs in tight, keep breathing and do one rep. See if you can work up to doing 20 on each side but try not to hold your breath as the exercise won’t work if you do.

Tip 3 – Bananas, yum

The amazing super fruit contains 422 milligrams of potassium, which helps limit belly-bloating sodium in your body. Talk about peel appeal! Another source: four stalks of celery deliver 416 mg of potassium. If celery is just not your thing, try juicing it with carrots and apples.

Tip 4 – Bench presses

Extending the arms during this simple pec exercise causes your ab muscles to contract, toning your abs as well as your arms, the more muscle you have, the more calories your body will burn naturally. Try and work up to 12 reps each side.

Tip 5 – Chill and relax

Stress can lead to excess stomach fat, research shows. Try delegating work duties, find a hobby you find relaxing, whether it’s knitting or jewelry making, even take the dog for a walk, find me time. It really pays off. Find an exercise buddy and kill two birds with the one stone. You get to spend time with each other, stay motivated and hopefully lose weight together. You can both get a flat stomach and have a blast at the time time.

Take 5 minutes a day and really think yourself thin.